If you’ve found yourself Googling this question at 3am — you are not alone.
Night wakings are one of the most common concerns I hear from parents of babies and toddlers. And the answer might genuinely surprise you.
Adults Wake Up at Night Too
Most adults have ten to fifteen brief wakings during an eight hour sleep. We just don’t remember them in the morning because they are so short.
Babies do exactly the same thing. The difference is that babies haven’t yet developed the ability to drift back to sleep on their own — so they let you know when they surface.
What’s Actually Happening During the Night
Every sleep cycle — which in young babies lasts about 35 to 45 minutes — moves between deep sleep and lighter sleep phases.
During those lighter phases your baby does a quick safety check:
- Am I safe?
- Am I hungry?
- Are my people here?
If everything feels calm and familiar — they drift back into deeper sleep.
If something feels off — they let you know.
This is not something wrong with your baby. This is their system working exactly as it should.
Why Baby Sleep Looks So Different
Newborns spend up to 80% of their sleep time in active REM states. Adults spend only about 20%.
This is not poor sleep quality. This is exactly what a developing brain needs. During these active sleep phases memories are filed, learning is processed, and the brain grows and forms connections.
This is also why babies move, grunt, and make sounds during sleep — and why they sometimes seem to be awake when they are actually still in a sleep cycle.
In adults, the body naturally grows still during dreaming. In babies, that hasn’t fully developed yet.
So before reacting — give them just a moment. They may surprise you and glide right into the next sleep phase all on their own.
What Actually Helps
Knowing what to expect is the first thing that helps. When you understand that your baby is naturally going to surface every 35 to 45 minutes — you can almost set your watch to it. That predictability gives you back a sense of control.
Keeping your response calm and low-key is the second thing. Whether you are co-sleeping, in the same room, or coming in from another room — the principle is the same. Wait a moment before engaging. Breathe slowly and deeply yourself first.
Consistency helps more than most parents realize. Going to sleep at roughly the same time and waking at roughly the same time every day makes an enormous difference to how well the whole night flows.
One Thing to Try Tonight
When your baby or toddler stirs — pause before reacting.
Watch, listen, breathe.
You may find they settle back to sleep on their own — which is a wonderful sign that their system is learning to feel safe with sleep.
And when you do need to engage — keep it calm, brief, and reassuring. You are giving them a gentle moment to find their own way back.
A Realistic Goal
If the nights go well 70 to 80% of the time — you are already doing wonderfully.
Teething happens. Illness happens. Big developmental days happen.
It is not realistic to expect a perfect night every night. Just enough good nights to feel like yourselves again. That is a wonderful and realistic goal.
Night waking is not the enemy. It is your baby’s nervous system doing exactly what it is supposed to do — checking in, staying safe, and slowly, gradually, learning that sleep is a place they can return to. And even enjoy.
Understanding that is already half the journey.
Ready to Talk About Your Specific Situation?
If any of this resonates — I’d love to hear what’s going on in your family right now.
I offer a free call where we look at what’s happening and what your next step might be.
https://heidi-winkler-care.com/calendar/
Let’s get you on the way to well-rested.
Heidi Winkler is an Austrian-American pediatric nurse, IBCLC lactation consultant, and sleep specialist. She works with English-speaking families internationally, supporting parents of babies and toddlers aged 0–3 with a calm, biology-based approach to sleep.
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